I'm lost and stupid without you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
