I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
