I seem to have left my pride at pride
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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