im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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