my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
