Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
