That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
