Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
