is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
