i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
