I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Shame - the story of my life.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
