new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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