David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Too much gin, very little bucket
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
