I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
