wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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