I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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