he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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