Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
