you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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