My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
