we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
