Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
