peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
