Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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