you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
