Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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