I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
