It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
