i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
