you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
