Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
