How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
