Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
