Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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