so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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