i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
