I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
