i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
