508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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