; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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