so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
