yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
