More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
