He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i think my cat just said my name.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
