you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
