Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
