Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
