I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
