3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This is my gift to your gina
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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