Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
