I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
