That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
