i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
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